So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
