All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
