Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
