I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
