Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
