he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
