just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
