well I can't set my house on fire every night
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
