My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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