I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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