It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
