Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
