corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
