she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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