brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
