Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
