Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
