there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
