Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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