So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
