if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
