Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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