Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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