Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
