even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
