Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
