Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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