I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
