hell yes lets make some ravioli
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
