Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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