Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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