Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
