My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
