Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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