i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize