FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I have fence marks all over my body
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
