I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
