i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
