There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
