3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
