The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
