Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
