Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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