Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
