someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
