just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Someone came in the potted fern
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
