this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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