My sheets look like a crime scene.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
