He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize