If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
