I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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