I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
