i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
