i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
