im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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