he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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