His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
