from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
