Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
