i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize