it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
