I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
