i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
