wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
In other news, I just burned my penis
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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