Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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