he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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