It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
