it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
