Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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