So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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