It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she told me i tasted like america
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
