You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Even my vagina gasped.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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