the condom got lost in my hair
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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