Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
